Now that you have a Birth Plan, what is your Postpartum Plan?

There is a lot of focus on the big day, delivery day. We plan and prepare for the day when baby will arrive. I'm sure that you have already thought about how you want to deliver your baby. Whether it is an unmedicated, vaginal birth or a scheduled c-section, you already have in mind what you hope it will look like. Maybe this isn't your first, maybe you have memories of how it was before and expect it to be similar. Either way, you've thought a lot about the day when you get to meet your new little one.

Compared to the main event, the postpartum period lasts a much longer time. Sometimes we forget to plan out how life will look like once we welcome a new baby into our lives. Routines will need revamping, roles need to be reorganized, and life will never be the same again. All the joy and excitement of bonding with baby and the beautiful chaos of your new addition will inadvertently dampen your ability to create a new plan on the fly. It is helpful to give it some thought before baby arrives.

Here are 10 questions you and your partner should discuss before the big day:

1. What will coming home with baby look like?

2. What will each parents’ role be in breast-feeding/bottle feeding?

3. Who will be taking care of diapering?

4. How will chores get completed? What are the minimum expectations of running the house? Do we need to outsource some tasks?

5. Who will be providing or cooking meals? What is our meal plan?

6. How will we work as a team? What things will we do together, what things will we divide and conquer?

7. What will our nighttime parenting look like?

8. How will a break for mom look like? How will a break for dad look like?

9. How will we schedule in quality time with older child(ren)?

10. How will we schedule time to connect with each other?

Although, every baby is different and you will not know how baby's schedule will look like, we can also predict certain truths (from Heading Home with Your Newborn: from Birth to Reality by Laura A. Jana and Jennifer Shu):

• baby will need to breastmilk every 2-3 hours, maybe more frequent during growth spurts

  (on average, baby will need formula every 3-4 hours)

• after feeding, baby will need to be burped and napped

• baby will need soothing when fussy

• baby will need diaper changes 5-10x/day

• mom will need to rest and recover from delivery

How will this look for your family?

Breastfeeding moms have bonding time built into feeding. Partners can offer a snack and refill water for moms while they nurse. After a feeding is a good time for partners to get a chance to bond with baby: burping, soothing, napping, changing.

Who has been the main manager of the household? How will some of the responsibilities be reallocated? Focus on what is the minimum that can be done but still tolerable by both parties. One person might really want the dishes to be done every night. Another might need the laundry put away. Some questions you might want to ask each other:

• What is one main area of focus in the house that I want tidied regularly?

• What are the top 2 chores I would like done to feel at peace?

The goal is not perfection. Some chores might need extra time to be completed. Don't stress over the little things.

An important question to answer: how will our family be fed? Before we even get into the details of what foods are nourishing for a healing mother's body, we need to have an idea of how the family will be fed. Will someone at home be cooking? Will you order out? Do you have a meal train from family and friends? Do you have frozen meals prepared?

Next, we must think about how to aid mom's healing through foods. During the first few weeks, meals should be easy to digest foods, think bone broth, porridge, stews, casseroles. There is a reason these foods are comforting, they warm the body and the soul. No matter how baby was born, mom has a wound at least the size of the placenta that needs time to heal. Someone coming out of surgery would not be served hamburger and fries or nachos as their first meal (unless that's really what you are craving). Healing foods help replenish energy, provide nutrients lost in pregnancy, and aid milk supply.

Some guidelines to follow (taken from The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother by Heng Ou):

• no cold foods or drinks: slows down digestive system and puts unnecessary work on the stomach and the spleen

• no raw vegetables or fruit: these have cooling properties as well

• keep healthy fats in mind for every meal

• stay hydrated with room temperature or warm water, one glass every feeding (8 8-ounce glasses) - sipping on bone broth or tea would be great alternatives to just water

Your new family unit has shifted. You have added a whole extra person in the mix. They may be little but they are mighty and has changed so much in your life. What are important values you want to keep in how your family spends time together? What are things you want to do together as a family and things you can divide and conquer? How will each family members needs be met? Relationships continue to need to be poured into. Self care is important so each parent can show up as their best self. Connection and emotional intimacy will be the glue to this ever-evolving partnership.